Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Worst Wine Ever

As if to dare me to come up with something better, Tom over at Louisville Juice called my review of the 2001 Lanciola Terrricci The Most Enthusiastic Wine Review Ever I guess I had that coming. 

Not one to idly stand by at such a superlative, I give you the antidote: 2009 La Sera Red Malvasia...

In the glass, this Grimace colored wine is murky and opaque, with suspicious-looking surface foam.  Aromatics conjure memories of summer camp the year you discovered wedgies: Welch's grape juice and torn jockeys.  The attack is a sucker punch of bold, face-scowling sugar followed by a syrupy mid-palate of that loiters more than lingers.  The stalking finish is cloaked in buyer's remorse.  Weighing in at 5.5% ABV, one wonders if fermentation was interrupted just to cut their losses. 

Anger clouds the mind while reflecting on this wine.  Your sainted mother is not even immune from the profane rants this wine induces.  While some wines haunt you for weeks with their character and intrigue, this one just haunts your large intestine.  You might just start smoking again after this wine, if only to suffocate the aftertaste.  I didn't, but I did walk over and kick the neighbor's dog.  A real asshole of a wine. 

Tasted twice, consistent notes.

9 comments:

  1. AnonymousJune 08, 2011

    Oh, now you know I'm just going to go right out and find a bottle of this just to see if it is as bad as you say.

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  2. Well, you won't be able to say that you weren't warned. Alternatively, you could just drop $15 in the tip jar and save yourself the anguish :-)

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  3. "Tasted twice, consistent notes." Holy shit, I'm ROFLMAO!

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  4. My man, this is the best review I've read in 2011.

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  5. Andy - I did, so you won't have to. And thanks for picking up on that old Spectator reference.

    Joe - thank you. Looking forward to delivering more hard hitting reviews later in the year.

    Cheers!

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  6. this is a good wine I think everybody should try it people got different taste to me it taste good is nice and sweet and goes great with dinner so go out and buy you probably will get hooked to it

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  7. AnonymousJune 22, 2013

    This wine actually tastes pretty good.

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  8. I love this wine because it goes with any food served . In addition, it accompanies dessert splendidly..

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  9. I love La Sera. Found ot in NJ and quickly became one of my favorites although I can never find it

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